Wicked Attitude

Cheers

We were walking in the cemetery and it was an eventful walk.  There was a man practicing being a scarecrow or mime.  We didn’t ask, he didn’t tell.  Needless to say we kept an ear open and an eye on our car.  We also got to know some of the occupants in our surroundings and we saw one of the funniest things ever.  I’m going to take a camera next time because just repeating it takes away from it.  Yeah, I’m a tease like that.

I would like to hail The Ex List for its tackling of a very delicate subject…hairless vaginas.  They’re gross.  Hallelujah, someone finally said it!  I’m not saying grow a super fro all Foxy Brown like but there’s hair there for a reason and it asks to be neatly trimmed not waxed raw.  Having your hot box look like a 7 year old girl and having your man get off on it should raise a BIG red flag.  Nuff said.  (No creepy emails please.  On this let’s agree to disagree)

Jeers

I was watching Diners, Drive In’s and Dives last night and there was some dude who prides himself in doing everything to order.  Nothing is pre-cut like onion, peppers, etc.  This was impressive until I saw the myriad of cuts and chunks out of his hands.  ”I’ll take a Chicago dawg minus the blood and tissue donation please.”

I’m not a fan of communal dining so it goes without saying I don’t go to Japanese steakhouses much.  Okay, at all…much to the man’s dismay.  I don’t like dining with strangers, that’s what separate tables are for.  You don’t know what freaks, droning yuppies, or worse, screeching children you could get seated beside.  No thanks.  He loves this one particular place that has something called Yum Yum Sauce.  Now pardon the grossness but when I was a teen, they used to call the bit of hair leading from a dude’s navel to his love muscle a “yum yum trail” and you can imagine what fluid yum yum sauce might remind me of.  It doesn’t help it’s white.  Why do I bring up this rather disturbing comparison?  Because we finally have enough people to get our own table for his birthday and he’s practically jumping up and down at the thought of me finally trying this yum yum sauce.  Don’t get your hopes up honey. I know what’s in it and it doesn’t sound appetizing so between that the already horrific mental pic I have of how it could be made due to my teen reference, it doesn’t stand much of chance.  I’ll report back on that after my impending date with the onion volcano.

Financial Crisis.  Yes I know we’re in a financial crisis, I don’t need tickers, updates, newsbreaks, entire segments on the news and diety Oprah telling me “you’re fucked” as she points at the camera and laughs while rolling on her piles of money.  Seriously did anyone see her show the other day on the “financial crisis?”  She had some tool in a pinstriped suit of whose advice was probably sound yet could not be taken seriously because he was dressed like a regal vanilla pimp.  Of course uber money snob Suze Orman on.  (Anyone else notice how Oprah looks like she’s trying to take credit for discovering her by having her on all the time now like she did with Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz?  Sorry Oprah, she’s been annoying people for years now.)  A recent clip of Suze on The Soup showed how she was at a store “buying something I (she) could afford.”  (The very uttering of this statement coupled with her smarmy, holier-than-thou smirk made me want to reach through the screen and smack her)  She was supposedly behind some woman and her child in line at the store and the woman had Fall decor in her cart.  Suze claims she looked down at the 5 year old and asked “can your mommy afford all this?” and the child said “no.”  She then looked at the mom and asked if she had credit card debt and when she said yes she asked why she was buying all of that stuff.  There are a few things wrong with this exchange.  1) If some know-it-all financial guru approached my child and had the nerve to ask if I could afford what was in my cart, I would end up in jail after having taken her ass to task.  2)  If that child seriously knew his mom couldn’t afford it this could be one his first memories.  Some crazy power lesbian approaching him with a voice that made his ears bleed telling him his family was poor.  Way to go Suze.  (Power lesbians, don’t write me.  We all bow to your power just don’t be a colossal bitch and I’ll have no issue with you.)

The new show Whatever, Martha.  Martha Stewart’s daughter Alexis gets to sit with her friends and watch episodes of her mom’s show and try to do the activities to show how unattainable Martha perfection is.  One of her comments while critiquing Martha’s show was “wow, she actually had a good segment” and made a smartass face at the camera.  Great, like we need a snarky overprivileged trust fund baby whose idea of rebelling is a televised bitch session about her mother and how “hard” her life was trying to live up to her mother’s impossible standards.  She also cuts on children as they’re making cupcakes on her mom’s show.  Oooh, how anti-establishment you are Alexis! Cutting on 7 year olds and calling a girl eating a cupcake a pig!?!  WTF?  Get your mommy issues out at a therapist’s office or develop a drug habit like any other “star child” and leave the rest of us out of it.

That’s about it for now.